S2 EP43 It Was Never About Him With Juliette Karaman

Welcome

Hello, lovelies. It’s Juliette here.

What if the reason you don’t feel turned on anymore has less to do with your partner than you think?

I worked with a woman who wanted to want her partner again. She had been waiting for him to flip the switch back on.

But he couldn’t.

It was never his job.

So often, we look outside ourselves. What is he doing? What isn’t he doing? Why doesn’t he turn me on anymore?

But eroticism doesn’t begin with another person.

It begins with your own aliveness.

I call it scrumptiousness. That life force running through you before anybody else even enters the room.

And before your body can open to that aliveness, it needs something fundamental:

Safety.

In this episode, we explore why desire starts in your own body, how your nervous system influences your capacity to open, and how simple touch practices can reconnect you with sensation and pleasure.

Maybe the question isn’t:

“Why doesn’t he turn me on anymore?”

Maybe it’s:

“When did I stop feeling safe enough in my own body to turn myself on at all?”

The Touch Reset

If you want intimacy but your body braces, disconnects or struggles to receive touch, The Touch Reset helps you understand what may be happening underneath that response.

We work with your Touch Pattern, Touch States, pleasure language, capacity, communication and structured touch so you can reconnect with what actually feels good.

Start with the Touch Reset Quiz:

https://feelfullyyou.com/touch-reset-quiz

📝 Episode Summary

What if your partner was never responsible for turning you on?

In this solo episode, Juliette Karaman explores how eroticism begins with your own aliveness, not another person.

She shares the story of a woman who wanted to desire her partner again but had been waiting for him to somehow switch her desire back on.

The shift came when she stopped focusing solely on him and came back to her own body.

Juliette calls this scrumptiousness: the sensation, vitality and life force already within you.

Drawing on Stephen Porges’ work around neuroception, Juliette explores why the nervous system needs to register safety before the body can truly open.

She also shares simple practices including Touch Base®, intentional self-touch and small moments of sensation that can help rebuild that connection.

Because pleasure doesn’t have to begin with sex or another person.

Your aliveness starts with you.

🔎 Key Takeaways

Your partner isn’t responsible for your desire.
Your erotic aliveness begins within your own body.

Safety comes before opening.
Your nervous system needs to register safety before your body can fully receive, soften and feel.

You can’t think your way into aliveness.
Understanding pleasure intellectually is different from experiencing it in your body.

Touch can help rebuild connection.
Touch Base® and intentional self-touch can help you reconnect with safety and sensation.

Numbness is information too.
Not feeling much is still something worth noticing rather than judging.

Learn your pleasure language.
Get curious about the type, pace and quality of touch your body actually enjoys.

Start small.
A few minutes of intentional self-touch can begin building your capacity to feel more.

Another person can meet you in your aliveness.

But it begins with you.

🔗 Resources & Links

Let’s keep the conversation going over on Instagram.

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review and share your thoughts. I love hearing your stories. And remember, you are scrumptious just as you are, inside and out.

• FREE Taster Deck:  https://cards.feelfullyyou.com/
• 10 Touch Rituals: https://feelfullyyou.com/10-touch-rituals
• Intimacy and Communication Card:  https://feelfullyyou.com/cards
• Touch Reset Quiz: https://feelfullyyou.com/touch-reset-quiz
• The Touch Reset: https://feelfullyyou.com/the-touch-reset

Find out more about Juliette Karaman here: https://feelfullyyou.com 

• Follow Juliette on instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/juliettekaraman/
• Follow Juliette on Facebook here: https://www.facebook.com/juliette.karamanvanschaardenburg

Don't forget to Rate and leave a review so more people can tune in and the ripple effect spreads further.

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:42

Welcome to the scrumptious woman. Now it was never about him. I want to tell you a story about this couple that I was working with. A woman sits across from me. She wants to want her partner again. Her whole plan has been waiting for him to flip the switch back on. He can't. It was never his job. And this is what I see in couples so often they look out. What is he doing? Tracking every single bit that he's doing, but not actually knowing what turns her on. And this is what I believe, and it's going to sound like it maybe contradicts everything that you thought that intimacy means. Eroticism isn't about the other person. It's not about your partner. It's not about your relationship. It's not about how he looks at you or if he still looks at you the way he used to. But it's what I called scrumptiousness. Chi, that life force that's running through you, that has you move your shoulders in a certain way that has you turned on, fully turned on every single cell in your vibrational being. Enliven. Maybe a little lust-filled, maybe a bit taboo. A body that is turned on is alive, full stop, before anyone else enters the room, or is body or near that body in the body is wrong, before any other human even comes close to this body. So cut some of that. Now think about plants. And I remember doing a vision quest and on sacred medicine and sitting on a tree trunk for hours and meditating and looking at how all these plants were intertwining the tree trunk, how they were living in it, across it, you know, wrapped around it. No one asked it for permission. No one taught it to reach the sun. You know, it just grew, all these plants grew because the sun is what nurtured it and what gave it its nutrients. And this is where we see that where we are alive and we lean to the light. I always think back of plants, of flowers. They're never afraid to bloom in their scrumptiousness, in their aliveness in who they are. There's no shame there. There's no seeing what everyone else is doing. They take the water, they take the air, they take the sunlight, and then they just bloom. That's the closest image that I can think of. The thick rose when it opens its petals. Beautiful, lush, and velvety, the swelling, the growing, the engorgement, the moving, the reaching, the literally reaching out into the world and showing your allness with an aliveness that actually wants to meet the world, wants to meet another body. But it doesn't start with that other body. It starts with you, always alone. So Stephen Porgis, neuroception, spent his career proving something that changes the whole container. Your nervous system can decide whether it's safe to open before your mind even weighs in. You cannot think your way into aliveness. Your body has to register safety first. And only then does it let itself swell to messen and be open. Which means the real question was not why doesn't he turn me on anymore, but it's when did I stop feeling safe enough in my own body to turn myself on at all? And this is what I noticed with women and with couples that work with me. The safety piece, that is the anchor. We always start with this. Once that safety piece has been established, touch base, thumb to forefinger, press them gently together. Feel your ridges, the texture, the actual skin. And now just say out in your head, I'm safe. You're doing this in a place where you are safe. There's no tiger behind you. You'll notice that you may want to exhale a little bit more, move your hips. That's touch base. It uses all the Chinese meridians, C of T points, and it's a practice. Every day, we do this every day, so it creates that safety. And from there, we can start looking at turn on. What are the things that turn me on? What is my aliveness? What's my eroticism? Is it taking a bath? Putting on some oils? Most people will say that this is self-care. I call them my little bundles of joy. Where can we spend three minutes maybe stroking just the inside of your wrist so slowly at every single stroke you can feel? Because numb is also a sensation and a lack of sensation. And once we can get in touch with the exact touch that we like and that we want more of, our body, the skin is the biggest organ, is craving for touch, but maybe just not the touch that you have been getting because you have not given it to yourself. Now, this is the beginning of the touch reset. Structured time, structured safety, looking at your pleasure languages, the way into pleasure for you, and then expanding on that self touch dates, specific and small enough so that you can build on this. That is the work.