099 From Divorce to Daring: Reclaim Your Confidence and Spark in Dating Again!

Welcome, my loves! It's Juliette with another transformative episode of The Scrumptious Woman. I can hardly believe we're nearing our 100th episode—what an incredible journey it's been, sharing wisdom and stories from remarkable women and men with you.

In this episode, we delve deep into the emotions and challenges many of us face when a long-term relationship ends. Whether it's a divorce or separation, navigating this difficult time often brings up insecurities and fears about the future, about dating again, and about being vulnerable once more. I share personal insights and experiences about co-parenting post-divorce and discuss how we can move through these moments with grace, using the wisdom of those who’ve walked this path before us.

We explore how to reconnect with ourselves, manage feelings of rejection, and truly honour the emotions that arise. I guide you through a powerful breathing exercise to help calm the nervous system and release stuck emotions, bringing you back into the present moment. We also discuss the importance of communication in new relationships—particularly around intimacy—and how to rebuild your confidence in dating after a long-term partnership.

Key Takeaways:

• Honouring your emotions: The importance of feeling and releasing emotions like fear and rejection.
• Co-parenting after divorce: How to build a healthy, respectful relationship with your ex-partner for the benefit of your children.
• Moving through fear: Simple techniques to manage anxiety and bring yourself back to the present moment.
• Dating again: Navigating the world of intimacy and vulnerability after a relationship ends.
• Communication is key: How to talk openly about your needs, desires, and boundaries in new relationships.

Much love, Juliette 💕

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Transcript

The Scrumptious Woman EP99

Juliette Karaman (00:01.224):
Welcome, my loves! This is Juliette with The Scrumptious Woman podcast, and as we are nearing our 100th episode, I can't quite believe it’s been slightly over a year—just over a year of interviewing the most incredible, mostly women and also some extraordinary men.

To hear their stories and to share their insights, their codes, their nuggets—their golden nuggets of wisdom and transformation—with you, my listeners, has been a privilege.

As we approach the 100th episode, I feel deeply grateful to have shared these pieces of wisdom with you and for the response I’ve received: the people who’ve emailed me, left testimonials, and those who’ve come on to share their beauty and their stories with us.

The beauty of sharing our stories with the world is that when we’ve gone through something and when we’ve alchemised something—perhaps we’ve faced a massive trauma or significant difficulty in life—we go all the way in and through it, and we come out with wisdom. Sometimes these are small insights, sometimes huge. These pieces of wisdom can always help shorten the time it takes for someone else to navigate their deep dive.

They might not be going through the same thing, but oftentimes, we pick up the codes, the keys to doors we didn’t even know were locked. By listening and recognising things like, “I have this pattern too,” or “I do this as well,” we shorten the time it takes to move through something. That’s what most of the coaches, mentors, people in personal development, psychiatrists, and psychologists do—they help their clients move through things with a bit more ease and speed.

We all know that the human mind finds change difficult. When we drag out a process—perhaps an intense experience, or something we’re struggling with—it can take a long time. Maybe it’s dating again after a divorce. You’ve been with someone for quite a while, and you’ve both decided the best way forward is to part ways.

I’m a divorced woman myself. I have four children and a very good relationship with my ex-husband. We co-parent, even though my children are now in their early twenties. We attend their events together, spend holidays together, and even celebrated Christmas with our partners.

But I recognise that this isn’t available for everyone, and sometimes the best option is to leave a marriage, while for others, staying is the better path. I’m not advocating for one or the other, but I recognise the value of surrounding yourself with people who have successfully navigated divorce. They’ve remained friends with their ex, co-parented well, and perhaps attracted new relationships.

That person holds codes—the keys—to making your journey a bit shorter. Maybe they can say, “Me too, I see you,” and offer wisdom from their own experiences. They might say, “This didn’t work so well for me,” and help you avoid the same mistakes.

That’s what coaching and personal development are about: saying, “I see you, I hear you, I know what’s going on.” Thanking someone for sharing their experience, feeling their pain—not experiencing it yourself, but feeling it with empathy.

As the world feels more chaotic than ever, people with empathy and sensitivity often feel things intensely. They feel the pain of Lebanon being bombed, of conflict in the Congo. We feel the anguish from social media.

As an empath, I once thought I had to take on others’ suffering. But I’ve learned a beautiful lesson: if I take on that suffering, I become incapacitated. I can't help anyone. The best way to support others, including our clients, is to feel empathy but not internalise the pain, which leads to energetic blocks and disease.

Moving these emotions through the body, like shaking or dancing, is part of what some cultures practise. We often suppress our feelings, but recognising these emotions and how they manifest physically is crucial for healing.

For example, after the end of a long-term relationship, insecurities arise. Thoughts like, “How will I find someone again?” or “If only I’d done this, we’d still be together,” can surface. At this point, it’s important to ask, is parting ways better for both of you? For your children? Can you still honour each other in a way that benefits everyone involved?

I guide my clients through these questions and help them assess if their values align, and if what once made them love the other person is still present.

And now, what feels so broken that it cannot be repaired?

Honesty with yourself is essential here. One partner is usually emotionally hurt, feeling unloved or betrayed, especially if there was infidelity. To hear that the person you said yes to all those years ago no longer loves you, and wants to move on, feels like rejection.

Even if outwardly things seem fine, unless you allow yourself to fully experience and process those emotions, they can manifest physically as tension or discomfort.

Let’s take a moment to acknowledge that many of us have felt “not enough” at some point. Bring to mind a time when you felt insecure, like when you weren’t picked first for a team at school.

Let’s breathe together. In through your nose, out through your mouth. Notice how three breaths already begin to relax the body and calm the nervous system. Hold onto that memory and notice where the emotion appears in your body. Is it tightness in your throat? Saliva in your mouth? These sensations will pass, but recognising them allows the emotion to move through and release.

Feel that shift? The intensity starts to fade, and you’ve survived that uncomfortable emotion. Each time we practise this, it builds our capacity to return to the present moment.

Being in the present is key to making rational, functional decisions. So, if you’re feeling insecure about dating again, or anxious about intimacy, it’s time to have a scrumptious communication with yourself and your partner. Discuss what intimacy means to you, how you like to be touched, and what pace feels right.

Slow it down. Communicate. And remember, you can ask for exactly what you want. Much love.