094 Intimacy, how do we know our way into pleasure?

Hello, my loves! It’s Juliette Karaman here, and I’m delighted to have you with me for this solo episode of The Scrumptious Woman. Today, I’m diving into a topic that many of my clients have been asking about—intimacy in relationships. Whether it’s rekindling the spark, navigating through intimacy issues, or understanding each other’s needs better, this episode is all about enhancing your connection with your partner. So, let’s take a deep breath, relax, and explore together.

Episode Summary:

In this episode, we delve into the challenges many couples face when intimacy starts to wane. Whether it’s due to stress, changes in desire, or unspoken issues, the lack of connection can leave both partners feeling distant. I guide you through recognising these signs and understanding that it’s perfectly normal for relationships to evolve over time. However, this doesn’t mean the intimacy has to disappear.

I introduce the concept of “taking sex off the table” to focus on rebuilding the emotional and physical connection in a non-pressured way. We explore the different erotic blueprints—energetic, sensual, sexual, kinky, and shapeshifter—that influence how we experience pleasure and intimacy. Understanding your own and your partner’s blueprint can be transformative in reigniting the connection.

Finally, I leave you with a powerful exercise: spending five minutes asking your partner, “What does intimacy mean to you?” This simple but profound practice can open up new avenues for understanding and closeness in your relationship.

Key Takeaways:

1. Recognise the Shift: It’s normal for intimacy to change over time, but recognising and addressing it is the first step toward rekindling the connection.
2. Take Sex Off the Table: Focus on rebuilding emotional and physical intimacy without the pressure of sex. This can relieve stress and create a safer space for both partners.
3. Understand Erotic Blueprints: Learn about the different ways people experience pleasure (energetic, sensual, sexual, kinky, and shapeshifter) and how this knowledge can enhance your intimacy.
4. Communicate Openly: Use the five-minute exercise of asking, “What does intimacy mean to you?” to deepen your understanding of your partner’s needs and desires.
5. Small Steps Lead to Big Changes: Even small efforts to reconnect can lead to significant improvements in your relationship’s intimacy and overall satisfaction.

I hope this episode gives you valuable insights and tools to enrich your intimate life. If you found it helpful, please share it with someone who might benefit from it. Much love!

Find out more about Juliette Karaman here:
https://feelfullyyou.com/free-resources/
https://www.instagram.com/juliettekaraman/
https://www.facebook.com/juliette.karamanvanschaardenburg
https://feelfullyyou.com/products/7-days-of-scrumptiousness/

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Transcript

The Scrumptious Woman EP94

[00:00:00] Juliette Karaman: Hello my loves, it's Juliet Karaman and we are here at The Scrumptious Woman and this is going to be a solo episode. So what's come up for me and the clients that I've been serving and is the real desire to be intimate with their spouses, with their partners, and asking what they can do to make it better.

[00:00:32] Juliette Karaman: So first of all, insinuating that there's something wrong. between the intimacy that they're having. There may be actual intimacy issues, there may be erectile dysfunction issues, there may be just desire issues, not quite knowing how to approach each other. Not quite feeling into it, not maybe having some trauma, some sexual experience, some non sexual experience that has just loaded into the body and that's actually holding them back from being intimate.

[00:01:16] Juliette Karaman: I want you all to take a breath because I'm sure most of us who've been with partners. have gotten to a point that sometimes the intimacy, sometimes the sensuality, the play, the sex, the actual sex, is just non existent. There may be times that your husband, your partner is very stressed out, or you are stressed out, that you're working really hard, and things just slip away.

[00:01:55] Juliette Karaman: It, there's not so much fun in the relationship anymore. And without knowing, you might have gotten to about a few weeks, a few months, in some case some of my clients, a few years have come, have passed by, and you become bed partners, roommates, you may even have different rooms. And you know that you deeply love your partner and something feels like it's missing.

[00:02:32] Juliette Karaman: So let's just first acknowledge that, right? It feels like something is missing. Now I want you to go ahead and just take a deep breath and notice. Where in your body does that feel like something is missing? How do you want to like maybe project on your partner that he's got the problem, he's working too hard, he can't keep a hard on, he can't seem to get very excited with me, and what can I do?

[00:03:06] Juliette Karaman: So take a moment there and just recognize that. for you as the person that is turned on, right? And I'm talking about most of the times it's women complaining about their men, sometimes it's men complaining about their women, saying that they're just not interested, they're with the kids, the menopause, hot flashes, all of this, right?

[00:03:33] Juliette Karaman: Just recognize that the complaining means that you recognize that there's something. that you want to fix, that there's something that's less than desirable. So first of all, I like to take my peeps through an exercise to really take sex off the table right, and just make a conscious decision of really tapping into yourself.

[00:04:05] Juliette Karaman: First of all, take a moment, tap into yourself, where there's that. Connection, that loss of connection. What does that feel like to you? Is there a hollowness? Is there an emptiness? Is there a bit of sadness? You feel, oh, I wish I was desirable again, like when we used to not be able to keep our hands off each other.

[00:04:30] Juliette Karaman: That oxytocin, those chemicals just coursing through my body.

[00:04:39] Juliette Karaman: And just acknowledge that. You have grown, both of you have changed, and that's perfectly okay. It doesn't mean that it needs to stay like this. So often, it just needs one person to want to make the change. And this is what I hear so often from my clients. It's oh, he doesn't want to change, she doesn't want to change, they don't want to change, whatever your gender is.

[00:05:05] Juliette Karaman: It's They may not want to hear what they're doing wrong, or how we want to fix them. So let's get to a place where we're actually acknowledging that there is something that we want to improve. And this is where it is. Can you schedule in five minutes? Without the kids, without work, without your phones, because those phones, oh la la, technology, phones laptops, tv, just consume a lot of our energy, consume a lot of our attention, and where in the beginning we may have had this exquisite attention on us by our lover, by our partner.

[00:05:55] Juliette Karaman: And now, if he or she is a bit too observant, you're like, whoa, yeah, that doesn't feel so good. But think back at how it felt exquisite, if someone can read you, and that's possible. We're taking sex off the table at the moment, and we're going to connect for five minutes in what it felt like to have that connection.

[00:06:22] Juliette Karaman: what was happening to your body and really bring it into your body because that is where we store emotions, that's where it can get stuck. And oftentimes it's around the hips, around the lower back, a little bit the back of the heart, and it can be quite constructive here as well. So I would say it's more neck to to the base chakras, and that's where there can be a lot of construction.

[00:06:51] Juliette Karaman: A lot of tightness. Just notice what's coming up for you there. And there may be some frustration. It's hey, I want. Now, all of us have a different way. Just like a different way that we have a love language, we have a different way into pleasure. So someone may create a beautiful, say that your partner creates this beautiful romantic getaway a beautiful blanket somewhere out in the fields, no one's near you, music, beautiful, and he starts touching you really softly and sensually, feeding you grapes.

[00:07:35] Juliette Karaman: Now for some people this is oh wow, give me more, please. And for others, it's just okay, when can we actually get to it? When can we get to pussy and cock? Cock and pussy, when can I grab his ass? And this is where it becomes really beautiful to become aware of what the other person's blueprint is, what their code is, what is their pleasure code.

[00:08:08] Juliette Karaman: And we have quite a few, and let's break them down to the erotic blueprints. There is the energetic, so the person that comes into the room and feels the energy already. They love looking at each other's eyes and they can almost have an energetic orgasm. They can have out of body energetic orgasm just by being in front of that person or flirting across the room.

[00:08:40] Juliette Karaman: Quite interesting. They can also leave their bodies very quickly because too much pressure, too much excitement, too much energy just takes them straight out of pleasure. And I'm saying these shadow sides so that you can really start. To understand. Oh yeah, I have that when someone touches me too fast or when they come up for a hug.

[00:09:05] Juliette Karaman: I, it's whoa, there's the brakes come on. Perfect. Recognize it. Now, then there is essential, like I said, love, smelling, food, beautiful soft things. We often see them touching their own skin or just caressing it, caressing, smelling. Their own skin smelling someone else, so what takes them out of pleasure is dirty socks on the floor a messy place, someone who smells bad, thoughts of oh my god, I didn't wash so now, all of that can take us out of our pleasure.

[00:09:53] Juliette Karaman: Then, We have the sexual, and the sexual is hardwired to think about orgasm, climax, wanting to get to the finish line. There's nothing wrong with that, but if you're an energetic or if you're essential, then that is probably not your main way in. So these people might grab boobs, slap butts a lot, play with the genitals, before you may be ready.

[00:10:27] Juliette Karaman: Before you may be engorged enough, before you may actually just feel that turn on. And that, oftentimes, is a turn off for people. What happens with the sexual is that they can go from 0 to 100 really quickly, get super excited, and then as soon as they realize that, There's no climax symbol, there's no orgasm, they can switch and they get turned off and it's yeah, don't feel like it.

[00:10:54] Juliette Karaman: Or if they feel like they have to spend too much time. on, on the foreplay and everything. And they're like, yeah, don't have time for that. One of my celebrity clients had them here, and I was explaining this. I said, it takes 40 minutes, four zero minutes, for a woman to become engorged enough to be able to penetrate it, to be able to be penetrated and actually enjoy it.

[00:11:21] Juliette Karaman: And then, be juicy as fuck. And he's oh yeah, don't have time for that. And the response, her body language was like, Oh, ow, see I'm not good enough here, I'm not quick enough. So he was obviously sexual, and she was much more energetic and much more sensual. Now, then we have the kinky. And kinky just means anything which is taboo for you.

[00:11:49] Juliette Karaman: So that could just be getting undressed in front of your partner with the lights on. Getting undressed with the lights on and the curtains open for maybe others to watch. It could be actual using impact play. It could be psychological kink. So let me show you what some psychological kink is. All right, go ahead and close your eyes.

[00:12:15] Juliette Karaman: Look down, actually. Good girl. Keep looking down. You're so naughty. I didn't tell you that you could look up. Look down now. Good boy. And for some of you this may be like, Oof, not at all. And others, your body's Might start to buzz a little bit thinking, oh that's exciting. Maybe we can do a bit of flogging, maybe they can tie me up in a rope, maybe we can do some role play.

[00:12:51] Juliette Karaman: All of that is in the kink arena and the arena is massive, massive, massive, massive. As a former pro dom, I know how Big that is, and I could teach on that for days. I'm just giving you a little taster of what.

[00:13:15] Juliette Karaman: And then we have the shapeshifter. So the shapeshifter has a bit of everything. They like smelling things, they like eating, they like they can get into spontaneous orgasms like this. They love the energetics. And they may have a bit of kinky and a bit of sexual as well. What the thing is with shapeshifters is often that they're starving because they're with a partner that has maybe a sexual blueprint or whatever which one it is.

[00:13:53] Juliette Karaman: So they learn to receive in that and to give in that because that is how their partner likes to receive and that's part of them. But that's only one fifth of the ones that we can all have, so instead of having that smorgasbord, having all the local different tasting menus and tasting little stations where they can get fed, they often feel underfed, they feel starving, they're a bit annoyed at the world, just can't be bothered anymore because it's just a lot of upkeep

[00:14:29] Juliette Karaman: the shadow side is All of those combined. And often they're just like, yeah, sex just isn't that important to me anymore. So that may have been quite a bit of information, but at least it starts to give you, it starts lifting the veil of what's possible. There is a different way into pleasure. Just like we have the love languages, as long as you start Knowing that you give and you receive in a different way.

[00:15:04] Juliette Karaman: But if what is your partner's love language? Do they like to receive gifts? Is it words of affirmation? Is it acts of service? Is it physical touch? What is it? Because once you start communicating with your partner in the way that they like to receive, and once you start understanding that, then the whole world opens up.

[00:15:33] Juliette Karaman: This is exactly the same with the blueprints. Once you start recognizing your way into pleasure. And then meeting their way, and then recognizing it's like, Oh, you have this, and I have that, and I have a little bit of this, but we get to play now. And that's when so much excitement comes in. You start looking at sex and intimacy in a completely different way.

[00:16:01] Juliette Karaman: So one thing I want to leave you with is, One question I ask my couples. It's if you take sex off the table, and if you've just heard this podcast, take five minutes and ask each other, continue asking the same question, the same prompt. Tell me, what does intimacy mean to you? And go for five minutes with the same prompt.

[00:16:29] Juliette Karaman: And start to excavate, what does intimacy mean to them? What does sex mean to them? Is intimacy looking at at a sunset together, holding hands? And the thing is, when you receive their answer, just say thank you. If you've understood it, say thank you, and then you ask it back. What does intimacy mean to you?

[00:16:55] Juliette Karaman: Intimacy means, I'm going to give you an example, intimacy to me means someone that preempts. and reads my body signals so well that they know that I want to be held in a certain way. My partner would say, Thank you. And then I would ask him, What does intimacy mean to you? And he may say, Intimacy to me is looking in your eyes and seeing them sparkle, and feeling deeply loved.

[00:17:35] Juliette Karaman: I'd love you to try this, take it away, see how it feels, And if you have anything that you want to know, let me know. There are so many different avenues that I help people with. I have Scrumptious Dates as one of my my courses that I give, and very soon I'm going to be coming into Scrumptious Pleasure.

[00:18:03] Juliette Karaman: Make sure that you're on the mailing list and send this! To someone who wants to just start understanding what intimacy is, we're taking the veil and we're lifting it, and we're actually starting to see where we can be more in touch with ourselves. Much love.