091 Transforming Trauma: Nicole B. Gebhardt's Journey from Heartache to Healing

Hello, beautiful listeners! It's Juliette Karaman here, welcoming you to another empowering episode of The Scrumptious Woman. Today, I'm joined by the inspiring Nicole B. Gebhardt, an incredible advocate for child and baby loss and a true beacon of strength for women everywhere. Get ready for a heartfelt conversation that touches on profound pain and the triumph of the human spirit.

Episode Summary

In this powerful episode, Nicole B. Gebhardt opens up about her journey through unimaginable losses and personal challenges, including the heart-wrenching loss of her son, Samuel, and two miscarriages. She candidly shares her experiences with domestic abuse, addiction, and the trauma of being molested and raped. Nicole's story is one of profound resilience; she turned her pain into purpose, helping countless women facing similar struggles. We delve into the importance of self-love, forgiveness, and the healing power of journaling, affirmations, and gratitude. Nicole's honest and raw storytelling reminds us all that, no matter how dark the path, there is always a way to rise and shine.

Key Takeaways

1. Turning Pain into Purpose: Nicole emphasizes the power of transforming trauma into a mission to help others, showing that healing is possible.
2. Self-Love and Affirmations: Daily practices like journaling, mirror work, and affirmations can significantly boost self-worth and confidence.
3. Seeking Support: Asking for help and sharing one's story can open doors to healing and connection with others who have faced similar challenges.
4. The Power of Forgiveness: Forgiving oneself and others is crucial for emotional healing and personal growth.
5. Resilience and Recovery: Nicole's journey from the depths of despair to becoming an inspirational figure highlights the strength of the human spirit.

To connect with Nicole B. Gebhardt, you can visit her website at nicolebgebhardt.com. She is also available on social media platforms under the handle "Nicole B. Gebhardt." You can find her on Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, and Twitter. For additional resources and support, you can visit her site, theworthyfem.com.

Thank you for tuning in to this heartfelt episode. Remember, no matter what you've been through, you are not alone, and you are worthy of a beautiful life.

Find out more about Juliette Karaman here:
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Transcript

The Scrumptious Woman EP91

[00:00:00] Juliette Karaman: Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. Back to the scrumptious woman I have with me, Nicole Gebhardt. You are an incredible advocate for child and baby loss and just for women to experience the fullness of who they are. I am. Love what you stand for, and I'm gonna get you to explain a little bit more in detail exactly what you do and how you got there.

[00:00:28] Nicole B. Gerhardt: Awesome. First, thank you for having me today. I feel super blessed to be on here, to be able to share my story in hopes to help other women. That is my purpose in this life. I'm gonna jump right in. I have been through a lot. I am very open. I'm very honest about my story. One, because I want women to know they're not alone.

[00:00:43] Nicole B. Gerhardt: And two, I want women to know they can literally walk through hell and still come out on top and still live that life they've always dreamed of living. So I lost my first son when he was nine weeks old. It was my first day back from maternity leave. I went into his nursery thinking he had slept through the night for the first time and I found him lifeless in his crib, cold to the touch.

[00:01:03] Nicole B. Gerhardt: I placed Samuel on the floor, started giving him CPR in hopes I could bring him back to life, but he was already gone. And then when the first responders got into my home, I was treated like a criminal, shoved into a bedroom, I wasn't allowed to tell him goodbye give him any kisses, and I had to give a statement to the police.

[00:01:18] Nicole B. Gerhardt: Then I had to wait for his funeral. I went on to have two more miscarriages as well. I lost two baby girls pretty far along in the womb too. My husband at the time, he ran to drugs. He became very abusive. I ended up leaving him when I was seven months pregnant and had a 1-year-old and a 2-year-old. I walked in, in, on the, in the bathroom while he was doing a line of cocaine on the bathroom counter while abusing our 2-year-old in the tub.

[00:01:41] Nicole B. Gerhardt: Grabbed her, grabbed my 1-year-old out of his crib, grabbed my very pregnant belly, and we ran for our lives. I had no clue how I was gonna keep a roof of her head, our food on the table. We were living on food stamps. But I was bound and determined to do it. Whew. molested by my own father from ages four to seven.

[00:01:58] Nicole B. Gerhardt: When I told him I was going to tell on him, he said I was not worthy or good enough for anyone to ever believe me or to love me. And that abuse stuck with me forever. And I was, I'm going to 

[00:02:08] Juliette Karaman: get you to just take a breath. This is It's all right. So all our listeners, I want you just to take a breath because sometimes hearing this from other people is like your body as well.

[00:02:19] Juliette Karaman: It's I love that you've overcome it. And for you, it's just matter of fact I'm the same way, but I just want to be aware of some of the listeners. I'm just going to give them a little time to breathe. Your beautiful son died at nine, nine days old. I can only imagine. And then nine weeks, nine weeks, it was nine weeks.

[00:02:36] Juliette Karaman: And then the police treating you like a criminal. Wow. So back to your father told you a belief that you then believed. 

[00:02:47] Nicole B. Gerhardt: And I think those words affected me so deeply because I think that's a struggle for most women. We don't feel good enough. We don't feel worthy. So that really impacted my life.

[00:02:54] Nicole B. Gerhardt: I went on to Florida state university and I was raped by a group of fraternity brothers. It was an off campus party. And I was a virgin at the time, so I had my virginity stolen from me. And then on top of all of that, I am a recovering alcoholic. And this is how my story really began and changed.

[00:03:11] Nicole B. Gerhardt: October 15th, 2019. It was Infant Loss and Miscarriage Awareness Day. I had decided I did not want to live without my son who died and the two daughters I miscarried, so I tried to take my own life. I ended up falling down two flights of stairs. My husband now found me at the bottom. He said I was barely breathing, barely responding, so he called 911.

[00:03:32] Nicole B. Gerhardt: The first responders got me to the hospital. The doctors in the ER said I wasn't going to survive. I had a brain bleed, brain concussion, and I was five times the legal limit. After a week in ICU, I did wake up, and when I woke up, I realized I had two choices. I can lay here and die. Or I can get up, heal from my past and turn my own pain into purpose and then help millions of other women who have experienced rape, molestation, abuse, infant loss, miscarriage and addiction heal.

[00:04:02] Nicole B. Gerhardt: And I chose the second one and I feel super blessed to not only be alive, but to be able to share my story and to be able to truly heal and be that light for other women so they know that they can do it too. 

[00:04:15] Juliette Karaman: I love it. So you really hit rock bottom, like rock. And I love the way that you're matter of fact about it.

[00:04:24] Juliette Karaman: You have a great voice. decided that was the moment that actually it's no, no more, right? We get that. It's I talk about portals. We have that portal, right? We can either choose to die. And I've been a death doula for quite a few people. So I know that place or there's a place like, no, I'm actually going to stay.

[00:04:42] Juliette Karaman: And I remember having someone on my table here, my massage table, as I was doing energy work. And actually that was her moment, right? She's I'm going to go. And I just put my hand on her heart and I looked at her and said, you have a choice. And this is oh, I'm staying here. And since then, she's just stayed in.

[00:05:00] Juliette Karaman: So I love that you've chosen that portal to stay here and to bring this to millions of people around the world. 

[00:05:09] Nicole B. Gerhardt: I feel blessed to be living my purpose and be able to do that. 

[00:05:12] Juliette Karaman: And There's a bit about being honest about it and actually just bringing out what's on the inside and showing people about the miscarriages, about the rape, about how you can overcome things and, infant death.

[00:05:29] Juliette Karaman: There are so many people that are suffering with this and that really do think that they're the only ones. 

[00:05:35] Nicole B. Gerhardt: So true. I was speaking at a women's abuse shelter earlier this week, and I was talking to the women, how they ask, how did you feel or how did you realize you weren't alone? And I said, I asked for help.

[00:05:46] Nicole B. Gerhardt: I think we, as women, we think we have to do it all alone and we have to fight the good fight by ourselves. And the truth is, That's not true. You don't have to do it alone. And the moment I started sharing bits and pieces of my story, as I was starting my healing journey, all these women came out of the woodwork and said, me too, I've lost a child.

[00:06:04] Nicole B. Gerhardt: I've been raped. I've been abused. I'm a recovering alcoholic. So that's the biggest thing I like to share is ask for help. And they will help. The more I ask for help, the more women that came into my life and those right people will come to be there just where you are and meet you just where you are.

[00:06:20] Nicole B. Gerhardt: Okay. 

[00:06:21] Juliette Karaman: Isn't it beautiful? You have a term for a woman, right? 

[00:06:25] Nicole B. Gerhardt: For what? 

[00:06:25] Juliette Karaman: For woman. You call them queen. And 

[00:06:29] Nicole B. Gerhardt: it's so interesting, but all my books are named after queen, all my things. For the longest time, I didn't feel like I was worthy to be called a queen. I was like, I'm a princess. I'm a princess. And that's where that term came from.

[00:06:40] Nicole B. Gerhardt: When I finally owned my worth, I realized I'm just, I'm not just enough. I'm more than enough. And I'm a damn queen. And I own that every damn day. 

[00:06:52] Juliette Karaman: Good. All right, since we're on that topic, so we'll have listeners all over the world, a lot of them in Canada and the States, and say that someone's listening and saying, yeah, feeling a queen.

[00:07:02] Juliette Karaman: How the hell am I going to do that? What are your two, three tips that they can do right now to really step into that persona, into that fullness of who they are? 

[00:07:15] Nicole B. Gerhardt: It's really some simple things. Some of the biggest things I did was journaling. The moment I started putting my thoughts to, I've got stacks of journal.

[00:07:23] Nicole B. Gerhardt: I still journal every single day. The moment I started putting my thoughts to paper, I really started realizing what were my triggers. What did I need to heal from? What causes me anxiety? What's my, PTSD, what's causing the depression. So pen to paper, journaling is huge. Another one I did is self affirmations and mirror work.

[00:07:39] Nicole B. Gerhardt: I literally had post it notes. I love you. You are beautiful. You are enough. You are worthy because we're already getting ready in the morning, whether it's our skincare or putting makeup on. Look at yourself in the mirror and say, I am enough and I love myself. And the other big thing is I implemented gratitude into my life.

[00:07:59] Nicole B. Gerhardt: First thing I do when I wake up is I set my intention. I say, today's going to be the best damn day of my entire life. And two, I list out 10 things I'm grateful for. And it's as little as I'm grateful I have a bed to sleep in. I'm grateful I have a roof over my head. I'm grateful that I have people in my life that love me.

[00:08:14] Nicole B. Gerhardt: So the three basic and easiest things to do is journaling, self affirmations and mirror work and gratitude. 

[00:08:21] Juliette Karaman: I love it. I so believe in this as well. I set a timer every day for six minutes, look at myself in the mirror and just really, and sometimes, and for most people, it's really difficult to look at your own eyes.

[00:08:35] Juliette Karaman: So I do a lot of body work with people. I'm like, listen, look at your body. And in the beginning, it's all you see this disgust and the flabby arms and the scars and stuff. Do that. Feel it. Allow yourself to feel it. And then the next bit's Oh, where am I actually really grateful? This is for four children, and lots of miscarriages.

[00:08:57] Juliette Karaman: And it's carried me around. And when you can actually do that for six minutes and just look at yourself and start loving every single part of it, it's Oh, you carry a completely different vibration. So I love that, that you say that as well. 

[00:09:12] Nicole B. Gerhardt: So in my coaching, what I incorporate is Reiki energy healing.

[00:09:14] Nicole B. Gerhardt: So I do Reiki energy healing along with the coaching I do. So when my clients come in, one of the biggest things is they don't love themselves. And I will just ask, tell me one thing. And that's like, when you're looking in the mirror, you see all the negatives, but it's so hard for us in the beginning to see any of the positives.

[00:09:33] Nicole B. Gerhardt: So yes, take those moments when you're in the mirror, cry, let it out, scream, say, I hate you, whatever you need to say. Because once you get through that part, then the joy starts coming in. Then you're like, okay, I like my hair. And if you don't change it, that's the beauty. If there's something about you don't like, you can change that too.

[00:09:50] Nicole B. Gerhardt: I'm a big woman, like dye the hair, get the tattoos, wear the glitter. But the moment that you start to love yourself is when you're truly being your authentic self. 

[00:10:02] Juliette Karaman: Authenticity is so important, right? I look at you, yes, with the big hair and the purple and the tattoos and your vocals. Fuck, right?

[00:10:09] Juliette Karaman: So good for you. And you attract people that want that and that might not be at that same level yet, they can borrow some of your confidence. 

[00:10:20] Nicole B. Gerhardt: But I wanna remind women, it hasn't always been like this for me. I was suicidal. I did spend months in bed after my son died. I was depressed, anxious on drug.

[00:10:29] Nicole B. Gerhardt: I drinking my life away. So I want women to know it does take time. You're very capable of doing it, but it won't happen overnight and it's gonna be a lot of other things. Forgiveness. That was huge for me. Not only forgiving, the man that molested me and the boys that raped me. It was forgiving myself for holding onto that.

[00:10:46] Nicole B. Gerhardt: For so long thinking if I had done something different, my son would be alive. If I hadn't worn the red dress and, had the beer, I wouldn't have been raped. You have to let that go. And you have to truly forgive others and forgive yourself too. 

[00:10:59] Juliette Karaman: For itself, forgiveness is probably the biggest, right?

[00:11:02] Juliette Karaman: Forgive others. Yeah. 

[00:11:04] Nicole B. Gerhardt: Forgiveness and love are the two biggest. Yeah. 

[00:11:05] Juliette Karaman: Completely. So completely get this. Now tell me, you've also written one or two books? I'm not even quite sure. Yes, 

[00:11:12] Nicole B. Gerhardt: three actually. Three? Oh 

[00:11:14] Juliette Karaman: my goodness. Yes, I've 

[00:11:15] Nicole B. Gerhardt: got two more coming out. I have got the Queen's Companion book and it's the 12 steps I put together to overcome rape, molestation, abuse, infant loss, miscarriage, and addiction.

[00:11:25] Nicole B. Gerhardt: I know what we charge as coaches, and there are just some women that can't afford that. And I wanted to put something out there in the universe for women that didn't have the finances, but still wanted to heal. So a way for them to go ahead and start that healing journey as well. And then I've got a.

[00:11:42] Nicole B. Gerhardt: which is my memoir, and then I've got two more coming out this October in honor of Infant Loss and Miscarriage Awareness Day, Broken Wings, Broken Dreams, A Mother's Will to Live Again, and The Healing Cocoon, which will again be 12 steps that I've used to get to where I am after losing a son and having two miscarriages.

[00:11:58] Nicole B. Gerhardt: It's 

[00:12:00] Juliette Karaman: incredible. 

[00:12:01] Nicole B. Gerhardt: Thank you. 

[00:12:01] Juliette Karaman: All I can just say is incredible. I know how tough it is. It's a 

[00:12:04] Nicole B. Gerhardt: lot of hard work, but it's so worth it. So worth 

[00:12:07] Juliette Karaman: it. Because if even one of those steps can just help someone because we do go into that whole kind of like bubble, like life is just terrible. And then yes, we've, we have so much trauma and then just any little step will help.

[00:12:23] Nicole B. Gerhardt: Absolutely. 

[00:12:25] Juliette Karaman: Is this based on the 12th? I can't tell, but see that it's 12 steps, like the 12 step program for FAFSA. 

[00:12:32] Nicole B. Gerhardt: Because of AA, but it has nothing to do with that. I just thought that rang true with me. So it's, it doesn't have anything to do that. There are steps self love finding your purpose, overcoming anxiety, learning to love yourself, those kinds of things in the book.

[00:12:46] Nicole B. Gerhardt: And then the Broken Wings, Broken Dreams, that book is based on my story, my why. Why I do what I do while the other two are very like methodology, like I can do the, because I noticed that one huge thing with my clients, they want homework. They want to know when I leave your, your office today, what do I need to go home and do?

[00:13:04] Nicole B. Gerhardt: And that's what that book is. It gives you a step by step methodology guide so you can feel confident and feel beautiful and love yourself. And, some days, I go back and think when we say life is hard. Can't believe I survived all of this. I can't believe like I have to, am I really alive?

[00:13:21] Nicole B. Gerhardt: But I know I am alive. So I can be that voice for women who have experienced that kind of trauma. I want them to look at me and say, holy crap, like I can do that too. And I am worthy to do that. 

[00:13:34] Juliette Karaman: Completely. And really like really recognizing that this doesn't define us, right? It actually makes the defining moments like we've overcome that and now we're helping everyone else to just break free of those shackles.

[00:13:47] Nicole B. Gerhardt: And it's a reminder that happiness is a choice, life is hard and I want women to think not, ever since I've healed, it doesn't mean life is rainbows and butterflies. I still have issues. I still, but the thing is now is I can identify that. And when I identify it, I know, okay, I need to journal, or I need to meditate, or I need to do some Reiki.

[00:14:04] Nicole B. Gerhardt: You pick up and okay, I've got this feeling, what, you honor it, and then you put it to paper and think, how can you work through that? And those are the tools I like to teach women, that when they have these feelings arise, they're like, okay, I know exactly what I need to do to overcome this. 

[00:14:19] Juliette Karaman: And that's a beauty, right?

[00:14:20] Juliette Karaman: Because the feelings, the emotions that we give to anything, yeah, I've been raped as well. Date rape, it was pretty gruesome. You and I can talk about it because it doesn't have any emotional charge anymore. Because when 

[00:14:35] Nicole B. Gerhardt: you told in the beginning, like your story, it's because it doesn't affect me anymore.

[00:14:39] Nicole B. Gerhardt: That is a lot of hard work though. I want to remind women, it took me a long time to just be able to, this is my story. You'll get there, but you need to be patient with yourself. 

[00:14:49] Juliette Karaman: But that's it, right? The emotional charge. It's okay, so I never want that to happen again. That still has emotional charge.

[00:14:55] Juliette Karaman: And it's yes, it's either pull or project or like repel. That still has emotional charge. And when you can get to that place of neutrality, which is with all the things that you do with energy work with writing, with really becoming aware of it and feeling this stuff. 

[00:15:12] Nicole B. Gerhardt: And it's really, when you realize the power is within you, you don't give others the power.

[00:15:17] Nicole B. Gerhardt: You don't give that ex husband that abused you or the person that raped you, or you don't give into that. And you realize the power is all, it always is within us. I think the biggest thing I had to realize, and I want women to, you have to be ready though. My marriage was on the verge of divorce, all the alcohol.

[00:15:32] Nicole B. Gerhardt: I was making very poor choices, but until I was ready to overcome my addiction, nothing was going to change. So you have to be ready to do the work. 

[00:15:41] Juliette Karaman: I love that. Super, super troop. Tell me, how can people find you? I know that you said your books, but you do coaching as well. Do you have them? They 

[00:15:51] Nicole B. Gerhardt: can go to my website, Nicole B.

[00:15:53] Nicole B. Gerhardt: Gebhardt. I Oh my gosh, dot com. I don't, I was going to say gmail, my ad, my email address. So nicolebgebhart. com. I also have theworthyfem. com or you can find me on Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, Twitter, all the things, Nicole B. Gebhardt. So please reach out. 

[00:16:09] Juliette Karaman: We'll put everything in the show notes. Because really you're just, Such an inspiration.

[00:16:14] Juliette Karaman: There is such an inspiration to women and really seeing how you can overcome stuff. 

[00:16:18] Nicole B. Gerhardt: Thank you so much. I feel so blessed. Thank 

[00:16:20] Juliette Karaman: you. It's been an absolute pleasure. Thank you for coming on. 

[00:16:25] Nicole B. Gerhardt: Yeah. Thank you for having me.